


A Bit Heavy on the Symbolism

by blue_pointer



Series: A Glorious Retelling [13]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Arcane texting, Awkwardness, Closeted Character, Comedy, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, Episode: c01e043 Return to Vasselheim, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, Minor Keyleth/Kashaw Vesh, Minor Keyleth/Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Polyamory Negotiations, Relationship Advice, Rival Relationship, Rivalry, Texting, Trapped In A Closet, Vaxmore, bisexual disaster vax'ildan, is Love Square a thing?, minor Vax/Kashaw???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26886289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_pointer/pseuds/blue_pointer
Summary: Vax is having a very rough morning in Vasselheim. When the whole Kashaw and Keyleth situation gets to be too much, he walks away. Gilmore reassures Vax and gives him some relationship advice.
Relationships: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Vax'ildan & Vex'ahlia (Critical Role)
Series: A Glorious Retelling [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975831
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	A Bit Heavy on the Symbolism

Vax was in the closet. 

Vax was in the closet, and he couldn’t get out. 

Vax was in the closet, and he couldn’t get out, and he was a little drunk, but not nearly as drunk as he wished he was. 

“So...Keyleth,” Zahra was purring outside in the tavern. 

“What. What. What?” Keyleth was so drunk.

“I heard a little--I wasn’t sure, and then I saw you and I thought ‘oh, all right, well, you know. Yeah, all right.’ So, what--you know--with the what?” There was whispering, then, which Vax could not hear. 

“Keyleth.” His sister’s voice. “She’s talking about you kissing Kash.” 

“Oh, right! Oh!” Vax could not read Keyleth’s tone. This entire time, she’d seemed overjoyed yet ashamed to see Kashaw again. Which was more emotions than Vax had ever elicited from her at once. “Funny! You mention that, yeah. You know--”

“Wasn’t he your first kiss?” Vex’ahlia asked. “Isn’t that so wonderful?” 

“Do you like him? Yeah, it’s wonderful. Do you like him?” Zahra asked.

Vax stopped listening. He couldn’t take any more. 

Kashaw was a really cool guy. Like, much cooler than Vax. Kash had bicolored eyes, and swoopy hair, and said clever, sarcastic things at just the right moment, as if he didn’t care. Supremely cool. 

Vax couldn’t be that cool if he tried--though he didn’t try, really. Perhaps, if Vax was so inclined, he might have looked at Kashaw in the way Keyleth did. But he was stuck in this closet, was all. And it was fine if Keyleth looked at Brother Kash that way. Vax could wholly understand it. Being in this closet and all. 

He thought about the awkward exchange that had sent him into this closet:

_“Excuse me, if I may. All I want to say is that you are a very impressive man in many ways. You are handsome and capable.”_

_“Your eyes are two different colors, which is very interesting,”_ Vex’ahlia had added.

_“That’s a little creepy, but other than that, you are very, very capable…”_

_“I don’t know what’s happening. Is he hitting on me? What’s happening?”_ Vax hadn’t been able to read Kashaw’s reaction exactly, and so he’d pressed on.

_“No, no. No, no, no, no. There’s only one man for me...”_

That had been embarrassing. Besides, it was true. There was only one man for Vax. He’d just been with Gilmore this morning, though now it seemed like a lifetime ago. 

Feelings were hard. 

He didn’t like feelings. Listening again to the bar outside the closet, it sounded like Vex’ahlia was threatening Keyleth a little, in that way of hers, and that wouldn’t do. She only did it out of love for him, but still. It just wouldn’t do. 

“Vex!” he shouted for her. “I can’t get out of this closet!” Vex’ahlia didn’t sound like she was finished bullying Keyleth, so he continued shouting. “I tried--I rolled a one!” His sister was embarrassing him, and she didn’t need to. She didn’t need to do any of what she was doing. 

Vax would just stay here in this closet, and then there would be nothing to worry about. People who needed to find him would find him here. And others...well, could pass him by. Maybe it would be alright. 

There was one person, at least, who always seemed to find Vax. Someone much smarter than Vax. Much better at emotions. And opening closets. 

“Gilmore,” he said softly. Gilmore had said he could hear Vax. But he suddenly realized that didn’t mean Vax could hear him. 

Vax jumped as he felt a burning sensation from inside his cloak. He flailed, trying to put the fire out, and found the heat coming from one of his secret pockets. Vax reached fingers in, expecting to find some sort of fire spell or revenge prank of Grog’s, but it was just a rolled up paper. Vax used his thumbs to unroll it, and found a single sentence, written in gold ink that burned into the parchment as he looked at it. 

_Yes, Vax’ildan, darling?_

“Oh fuck, you’re so smart. You’re so much smarter than me. Fuck, I love you.” What had he done to be loved by someone so glorious and brilliant as Gilmore? 

_And I love you._

Vax watched the words burn themselves into the paper as if he was watching Gilmore write them. Vax’s nose was burning, causing the letters to blur. 

_What is it, my smiling boy?_

“Don’t feel much like smiling today,” Vax said, swiping at his runny eyes. 

_Tell me._

Vax leaned his head against the wall of the closet, pretending he was resting it against one of Gilmore’s broad shoulders. He wanted to get this off his chest, but how on earth could he tell Gilmore about this? Gilmore, of all people. He’d hurt Gilmore enough. “Really, I should be happy.” Maybe Vax _was_ happy. Maybe he just had to come to terms with it. “He and Keyleth look good together.” Vax was completely certain Kiki had never smiled like that for him. Not even when she was drunk. 

_What do_ you _want?_ the letters unfurled to ask. 

“I just...feel so confused. I want to be sure. That I’m not letting something go...that I shouldn’t.” 

There was a long pause and then. 

_You should speak to her._

“Definitely not. I can’t. I’m so bad at this…” And it wasn’t as though the first time he’d tried to tell Keyleth about his feelings had gone well. 

_I love you. And you are worth a thousand of him. Anyone you love will be lucky to have you._

“You...why are you so kind? Giving me advice about my feelings for someone else, when I should be…”

_Worshipping me?_

Vax huffed a laugh in spite of himself. “With my tongue over every inch of your glorious body as soon as we get back.” 

_Don’t make me wait long._

Vax couldn’t believe it, but Gilmore had made him smile. He was smiling, simple as that. It took just a few sentences from the man. “I still can’t believe you’re real sometimes.” 

_Talk to her. If you want something, you have to ask for it. Don’t be intimidated by any rival. I chose you, and I have impeccable taste._

Vax laughed again, wiping his eyes. “I fucking love you, you know that?” 

_My heart. Go forth and shine, my moon._

Vax rolled up the small piece of parchment and kissed it before carefully tucking it away again. How Gilmore had even managed to hide it in his cloak when he couldn’t move from the bed, Vax could not guess. 

His ears perked up. Were they...leaving without him? 

“Oh, shit, we need to get the rogue out of the closet,” he heard Keyleth say, as Kashaw laughed in the background.

The door to the closet was suddenly pulled open by Percy. “Come on,” Zahra said, standing beside de Rolo. 

This was awkward. Vax needed to pretend to be more drunk. “Grog, can you get this door open?” Though Grog was nowhere in sight. 

“It is open, darling,” Zahra said. “Come on out.” She offered him a hand up. 

Once he was back on his feet, Vax stumbled over to his sister, leaning on Vex’ahlia, more sad than drunk. “Love you, sister.” 

She hugged him sideways with one arm as they walked. “Love you, too, idiot.” Vex put her other hand on top of his head, affectionately. “But stop telling other men they’re impressive and then locking yourself in closets. It’s a bit heavy on the symbolism.” 


End file.
